“MY HELP AND
MY DELIVERER.”
BY S.G.C.
November 2nd,
1973, I made the recording now given here:
“Stay in my room
this morning trying to gain strength for the afternoon labor with Sunday-school
class, and the sick in my district. Home from field early and weary.”
November 3rd,
while on my missionary rout in the streets of Chicago, I dropped insensible on
the walk, from nervous prostration. Again, on May 12th, 1874, I find
this-(not having seen my memorandum between dates). “Long
months of severe nervous prostration and intense suffering have been endured.
Through all, yea my soul, all! God has wonderfully preserved life, and
is now bestowing, gradually, physical strength. Praise the Lord, oh my soul!”
In this interval I had been under homoeopathic treatment. Dr. Geo. E. Shipman, the
founder of the “Home” for foundlings in Chicago, called one day to see me and
said to me, “You want prayer?” I whispered, “Yes.” He read a few verses from
Psm. 46, and asked God to heal me. A nervous trouble that had been with
me from the first, was at once removed and ever after, during nearly
three years of illness, never returned; has never since been felt. I was unable
at that time to speak save in a low whisper; could not feed myself; was passing
from chill to fever, from fever to perspiration, then to chill, and so on; a
constant repetition for thirty consecutive days, until life seemingly hung on a
thread; I gradually gained strength, allowing me to be carried on the pillows
from Chicago to Dansville, N.Y., where I became a patient of the “Home on the
Hill-side,” rest, not medicine, being the “cure” method. Therefore, for
thirteen months I vacillated between life and death, many times physicians and
attendants lost hope. During all these months, Jesus was exceedingly precious,
and in long states of unconsciousness, I was never unconscious of His
presence. “Jesus only,” was all I did realize many, many days. While in
this “Home,” I was only at brief intervals able to read or hear the “Word”-very
precious was the remembrance of Holy Writ, I knew the Comforter quickened the
seed and fruit sprang up. During this year, my friend and co-worker, Miss E.
Dryer, superintendent and secretary of Chicago Bible Work, wrote to me, asking,
“Have you thought of this question of faith-healing?” and sent me the text “Have
faith in God.”-(Mark xi:22.) Gradually, as my physical strength allowed
thought, the holy Spirit revealed to me that I, who for many years had been
able to say from experience, “Jesus saves me, saves me now,”
might say form Scriptural teachings, “Jesus heals me, heals me now.”
I have ever been a conservative in many things, timid about ventures in
religious and moral movements; and readily yielding to innovations. I wrote on
one of my comfortable days, by having my nurse place my paper on a pillow near
another on which rested my arm, too feeble to sustain its own weight, to Rev.
Edward Sullivan, then rector of Trinity Episcopal Church, in Chicago, and in
whose mission field I had been employed ten years; I told him if God’s dealings
with my soul in regard to this question of faith-healing, asked his advice,
added, “I fear to go before I am sent, but feel that I must confess this gift,”
this belief in the willingness of Christ to heal now, as he did when here with
men, before I can receive the blessing.” He wrote a most helpful and
encouraging letter in reply, telling me he had not failed in all my long
illness, not one Sabbath, even, to pray for my recovery, and the devout ones in
his church joined heartily and earnestly in the response as the service
enjoined. But mark you, he made no reference to my special point of
faith-healing. I read the reply with grateful emotions as I lay on my couch of
suffering, and said in my soul, perhaps I am not sound in doctrine. Then
followed weeks of utter inability to hear conversation, or think even; nurses
and physicians silently attended my wants. My nest rallying brought the same
assurance that God would heal me if I would meet the Gospel demand of
consecration and belief, a struggle before I was, though the Spirit, able to
settle affirmatively the points at issue. First, would I say to my soul, Jesus
heals me now, just as I had said at my conversation, Jesus saves me? Second,
would I say to my physicians, Jesus will heal me? Third, would I return to my
field of labor and say, I am here because Jesus healed me? Can you believe me,
when I tell you months passed ere I reached a decision? Oh, how patient and
loving gentle was the dear Lord in bringing me into light. I had no strength to
reason and speak to mortals, my communion was with God alone.
Finally I was
enabled one Sabbath morning, while alone, to say audibly and in my inmost soul,
Jesus heals me now. An almost electric thrill went through my frame. I was
exultingly happy, the mind dwelling no on my weak body, but on the amazing love
of God toward me in filling my soul with a degree of joy and peace
inexpressible. I sent friends and declared what God had wrought in and for me.
For weeks I steadily improved in strength. Remember, my ignorance in this, then
to me new doctrine of the Scriptures. The dear Father gave other discipline,
that I might more fully comprehend His will. I was suddenly prostrated, life
nearly went out, yet I never lost my grasp of the Saviour. To the utter
astonishment of all, I once more rallied, and in July, 1875, was carried on
pillows to Chicago, where friends used every possible means and earnest prayer
for my restoration. Through grace, I said to all, “I am looking to Jesus for
healing.” Ms Dryer and a few others understood me. Dr. Sullivan said he
believed fully in the efficacy of prayer, and tht I would get well. The weeks
intervening until December I was nearly helpless, was mostly carried in arms
from room to room. For months did not sit at family meals, much of the time had
to be fed on account of debility. All these days were filled with longings for
help to take fully the Great Healer as my health restorer. The thirteenth of
December, 1875, the early post brought to me the following:
“Dearest Sister:
will you spend the hour between 1.15 and 2.15, on December 14th,
alone waiting for the answer? Dr. Cullis will ask on the promise of James,
chapter v: verse 15. “Two of us are agreed.” Look for an answer. Strength may
come gradually, but the work is done instantaneously, if it be the Master’s
will to glorify Himself. I can ask unselfishly.
Ever yours,
Mary E. Hartwell.”
I had used Dr.
Cullis’ literature in my work; had corresponded with him, was interested in the
“Home” at Boston, but knew nothing of Faith-healing through him at that time.
Again I refer to record then made: “Opened my precious Bible and read the verse
indicated. Have been earnestly believing more than one year. Anew I give myself
to Christ. Lord, help me to rightly understand Thy word and will, help me this
very moment to occupy the ground Thou desirest, and hold my faith to the point
of Gospel demand; that Thy promise be fulfilled, and our united prayer not
hindered; amen and amen. This phase of petition I presented to Ms. E. Dryer and
to noon-meeting of Y.M.C.A.” “Though much of God’s willingness to bless. Do not
desire any one thing so much as that Divine Will be done and Christ glorified.”
“In sleeplessness a great part of the night was spent. Towards God and His
loving dealings, my mind was drawn with an intense desire to be fully prepared
for whatever the dear Lord should give in answer to the united prayer of Dr.
Cullis and Miss Hartwell. Mark ix: 29, was brought by the Spirit as a prompter.
I am striving to attain, rather to accept, the spirit of prayer which
shall be in accordance with Christ’s teachings, and qualify me to receive the
gift of being made “ever whit whole.” I give myself to this thought as fully as
my physical weakness permits. Have done so since the message came.”
December 14th,
consecrated at family altar all I am or may be by the grace of our Lord Jesus
Christ, and hold my spirit through grace, by faith very near the cross, and
wait the dealings of the Father who is pledged to grant the request made in the
name of His Son. Resting on my pillow, the hour of appointment came; unbidden
sleep instead of watching I designed. Thirty minutes and awoke in intense pain,
acute pain in every fiber of the body. A singular thrill as of conflict ran
through my frame. Instinctively the open Bible by my side as sought, and the
history in Mark ix: 17, 29, inclusive, was read. Was I “being rent sore?” I
cried mightily, “Lord, help my unbelief.” Arose, and once on my feet, the
violent pain left me. At 4 o’clock P.M., find myself weak, but suffering
little. Am passive in God’s hand as far as I know. “I will praise Thee! Where
shall I Thy praise being?” Yes, Lord, I do believe Thy words of promise. In
Thine own time, Tine own way glorify Thyself in me Thine unworthy child. Glory!
Christ is worthy! Fasted this day; my authority, Jesus. Mark ix: 29, last
clause. Able from this date until 29th
to say the Lord is healing. Was led to write Dr. Cullis asking prayer for
healing of my faith. Continued to gain slowly, but my faith wavered. Ignorant
of the way, too weak to study or read, too full of self and self-effort to
trust God implicitly; did not appropriate that presented.
In April the way
was providentially opened for me to visit Boston and meet Dr. Cullis and my
friend Miss Hartwell, who had united in the December petition. I reached there
on the 14th; was lifted from the car, laid in a carriage, driven
slowly to my friend’s home in East Cambridge. This was Friday. Saturday I was
lifted from couch to carriage, and taken to Dr. Cullis. HE asked on the promise
in James v: 15, carrying out the instructions in verse 14, same chapter, asking
that I “be so filled with the Holy Ghost that there remain in my body no room
for sin and disease.” I lost sight of everything save Christ and the great work
HE had accomplished in delivering me from sin and filling me with the Holy Spirit.
My bodily ailments were not in my mind. I was so astonished that the Holy Ghost
was filling me unutterably full. I rose and walked out of the room, downstairs,
into the street, and with very little aid seated myself in the carriage,
whispering, “Glory, glory,” never once thinking that a few moments before it required
to help me up-stairs. Five years have passed, and from that moment I have been able
to say “the Lord healed me,” an exchange for the previous “healing.”
Strength was gradually given. The return trip to my home in Chicago was made via
Vermont and New York, visiting relatives and recounting the wonderful love of
God to my soul and mankind. Was able to testify in Farwell Hall noon-prayer
meeting that I had been healed by Jesus our Saviour; also to witness in the
Trinity Church to the glory of God our Father. During the greater part of the
time since, I have been actively engaged in public duties. At present I am
recuperating from overwork, and the Lord is very gracious, hears and answers
prayer, is daily healing and giving me strength. Praise His Holy name.
***
“HE KNOWS!
Yes, Jesus knows
just what you cannot tell;
He understands so well!
He understands so well!
The silence of the
heart is heard,
He does not need a
single word;
He thinks of you.
He watcheth and He
careth too;
He pitieth, He
loveth! All this flows
In one sweet word,
He knows!”
***
NOTE .-We omit this month the article on “Canal
Street mission, by J.W. Wells, as engagements out of the city have prevented
his giving his time and attention to the preparation of his usual report. –Editor
CONSECRATION AND FAITH PLEDGE
CONSECRATION PLEDGE.
Dear
Lord; I present myself unreservedly to Thee.
My
time.
My
talents.
My
tongue.
My
will.
My
property.
My
reputation.
My
entire being.
To
be, and to do, anything that Thou requires of me.
PLEDGE OF FAITH.
Now
as I have given myself away, I am no longer my own, but all the Lord’s.
I
believe Thou dost accept the offering I bring.
I
trust Thee to work in me all the good pleasure of Thy will.
“Wherefore
come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and I will
receive you.”
As
I do give myself to Thee, I believe Thou dost receive me now.