MY EXPERIENCE.
BY A.W.P.
And the very God of peace sanctify you
wholly… Faithful is He that calleth you, Who also will do it.”
– 1 Thess. vi:23,24
– 1 Thess. vi:23,24
Five years ago last April I was converted. And before I write another line let me tell you the definition of the word “converted.” Webster says it means “to be turned or changed from one state to another. A radical change of heart.” That was just what took place at that time in my case. I had many years before made and outward profession of religion, and united with the Presbyterian Church, but in one short month was whirled away by the tide of worldliness and gaiety around me into my old life of fashion and folly.
Neither my
pastor nor any Christian friend ever remonstrated with or attempted to check me
in the miserably inconsistent life which I continued to lead from that time forward,
until the Lord in mercy prostrated me upon a bed of sickness, there to teach me
by sore discipline what my proud heart refused to learn in any other way.
At the time of
my conversation I turned with utter loathing from the things which I had all my
life intensely loved. I saw that all my profession of Christianity, all my good
works in the Church, while at the same time I continued my life of selfishness
and frivolity in the world, was, in the sight of God, “as filthy rags.” I saw
that I had been vainly trying to do what the Lord Jesus says it is simply
impossible for us to do, vis., serving two masters. I was very sick in souls as
well as body. I abhorred myself as thoroughly as ever Job did, and saw myself a
poor sinner, unworthy to so much as lift my eyes to my Saviour’s face.
But at least I
ventured to come to Him, and, casting myself upon His mercy, entered into a
covenant with Him, then and there, vowing that if, in His infinite compassion,
He would raise me from my bed of suffering, my life should henceforth be
dedicated wholly to His service. I know that He accepted the offering I
brought, and did, for Christ’s sake, forgive me my sins; and at the same time I
was enabled to grasp Him by faith as the Great Physician I needed for my
pain-racked body as well as my sin-burdened soul. In answer to persistent,
believing prayer, I was lifted from a condition of great physical suffering
(considered hopeless by my family) into comparative health and strength in a
few weeks.
Can any one
wonder that I look back to that time as a marked epoch in my life? It was a new
birth to soul and body. It was emerging from the seclusion and bondage of a
sick chamber into a bright and beautiful world once more, never before half so
lovely to me. It was walking the streets among my fellow-beings along and
independent after many weary years of helplessness and isolation. All who have
been invalids and have tasted the delights of convalescence, can picture this
and rejoice with me in recalling it. The exquisite sense of joy in everything,
-the tiniest, humblest flower, the grass, the sunshine and balmy air, the song
of birds, the sounds of activity and vigorous life on every hand, the welcome
greeting of astonished friends who had long since despaired of ever seeing me
again upon the street,-all these combined to make the days of recovery
memorable ones. But when is added to his he still greater joy of the soul which
the newborn Christian feels, it does, indeed cast a halo over such a time which
passing years can never efface.
The most natural
thing in the world for me to do, after so wonderful an experience, was to arise
like poor Bartimeus and “follow Jesus in the way,” and the next most inevitable
result was to being to sound His praises on every hand, to tell what a Saviour
had found and to try with all my might to win souls for Him.
I spoke to the
high and the low of His mercy to me. I felt as if were I to remain silent
“There very stones would cry out.” I strove to follow Him through “good report
and evil report,” through charges of fanaticism and even of insanity, through
trials manifold, and sorrows many and heart0rending. I worked and wrote and
talked for Him, and tried to let my light shine everywhere.
Now, dear
reader, I think you will all agree with me that was conversion. I gave up the
world joyfully; it had lost its charm for me. My Bible and prayer and the
various means of grace were my delight, the fellowship of Christian people an
ever-increasing joy. Was not that a new birth? I said from my heart with Paul,
“the things that I once loved, now I hate, and that which I hated, now I love.”
Was I not “a new
creature”? Was I not a child of God, born into His kingdom? If I had space to
relate through what stormy times I was led, and how I clung to my Saviour when
everything seemed slipping away beneath my feet, I think you would all agree
with me that I was truly converted. Now, although I did love God and earnestly
desired to keep all His commandments
and live for Him alone, and although I was daily laboring in His vineyard and
did not for a moment think of returning to my own life of worldliness, yet, to
my great sorrow and surprise, I frequently found myself overcome by the
Tempter. There was much time spent in agonizing prayer, and many bitter tears
of repentance shed whenever I thus fell into sin, and then I would arise with
new resolutions and go on triumphantly again for a time. But lo! another artful
attack of the Enemy of all souls and I would find myself again defeated. This
warfare finally became simply unbearable, and the distress of mind in which I
was plunged amounted to despair. I began to cry out in agony of soul, and there
came a day when, feeble in body and heavily burdened in mind, I wept long and
sadly over my many defeats, an the thought came, “s it possible for any one to live a victorious Christian life? Has any one ever been delivered fully from
the horrible bondage of sin in this world? Oh! is there no help? Will I never be free? Where can I go for
instruction in this matter? Who can enlighten me?” I thought of various friends
in the city, professing Christians, but instantly felt that they could not shed
any light on the subject.
Reader! at that
time I had never even heard of
“Sanctification.” I had never even heard any one say that it was possible for us to lead a holy life. I
never heard Jesus referred to as a perfect
Saviour, or been told that He had power to save not only from the guilt but the
power of sin in this life. My longing
soul was reaching out for something of which I was entirely ignorant. I panted
for liberty, entire liberty in
Christ. I felt that there must be a higher way, but I could not have defined
it, had any one asked me to do so. I only knew that I was heartsick and
yearning for the light, which I felt that there must be behind these
overshadowing clouds.
At that very
moment, as I was pondering my many disastrous defeats with a hungering and a
thirsting which I could scarcely understand, the Lord in mercy sent a messenger
to me, to guide me into the way of truth. Of this I will speak further in
another chapter.
[To be concluded]*
